Breaking the Money Silence: Why Women Must Take Charge of Finances - With Cary Carbonaro

Hannah Mitrea 0:05
Get ready to get your questions answered by financial advisors. Learn how to put more money back in your pockets, regardless of where you’re starting your financial journey with your host, Hannah Mitrea. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the virtual US financial advisor Podcast. I’m so excited to have Cary Carbonaro. Here with us, Cary is the head of women wealth and CFP Board ambassador, welcome Cary to the show. Thank you for having me, you know, just with your business women, and well, and it will kind of be talking here about women. And well, kind of that difference in the two like, I know, when we had our pre call, he kind of mentioned like, you know, 85% of advisors are men. And so I really wanted to talk to women in wealth right now, because it’s one, there’s not as many of us there. However, we make up more than half of the population, I believe, half of it. So we need to have that balance there. But so before we jump into that, okay, share a little bit about you your story and your company.

Cary Carbonaro 1:02
Sure. So we could take up the whole time talking about that. But so I’ve been a financial advisor for 20 plus years, I’ve always known that I wanted to help women, that’s been the one thread throughout my life. So I started when I was in college, and I founded a sorority, I was founding president of a sorority to help women. And then I always knew that I wanted to help women with money. So that was my career. I started in banking, and then I went into marketing. And then I went into financial advising in the early 2000s, around 911 time is actually when I started my practice, and I am from New York, but I’m also in Florida. And I go back and forth. So technically, I’m a Floridian now, because I’m here full time, but I also have my clients in New York and my family in New York, and I’m from New York. So I spend my time going back and forth between the two places. I wrote a book for women in money. After my divorce happened, I actually had a very, very terrible divorce happening from 2008 to 2011, to four years, and after, and I didn’t even have any children. But after that I wrote a book to help women, you know, not make the mistakes that I made, or that my clients made, or that I’ve seen throughout my career. And so I made the book for women what to do in your 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s and beyond. And that book actually pretty much launched me into speaking nationally, and internationally and TV. And so I’ve done you know, 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of interviews on TV, papers, magazines, podcasts, everything under the sun. So I have everything, mostly everything at carycarbonaro.com, which is my women in wealth, webpage and consulting page. So you can go there and learn more about me or anything you want to know there’s a lot more about my story there. And then I emerged with a large firm in 2012, after my divorce, and that was united capital, and United capital, I was there for 10 years, I was head of women in wealth, I was the voice of the woman, I was head of women’s leadership, I had a diamond level practice. And I also was a fin life coach for other advisors using our tools and technology. My firm, unfortunately, got sold to Goldman in 2019. And then I was off the grid for almost four years, I wasn’t allowed to speak or write or do social media or have an opinion or say anything pretty much. And so that was a very, very dark, difficult time for me. And then it was also during COVID. So you throw that on top of it. And then I left and had to run out my non compete and then started up again, about a year ago, almost to the day. So I’ve been back working locally with all my clients at a new firm. And so I am now back and very ironically, Goldman then turned around this year and sold United capital for pennies on the dollar. They originally paid 750 million sold for 100 million lost $650 million. So I was 100%. Right and vindicated about how everything was going wrong. And everything was going south very, very quickly. And now it’s actually history, and it will go down in history and probably one of the worst deals ever. Yeah,

Hannah Mitrea 4:32
that’s insane. And you know, there was ton that you mentioned in there and just like that was pulling from just like one starting all the way at the beginning of the sorority. I think people don’t realize how much money needs manage in a sorority. So it’s incredible that you found that and you’re there helping through that and it just kind of speaks volumes to as you grew, you know became number one wealth and women at the first firm which is just incredible, and I’m glad to get your business back in there. Last time we were talking it was like Between that push and pull kind of moment, like what’s going on. And we’re just

Cary Carbonaro 5:03
to let you know, as far as founding the sorority, I actually had nothing to do with the money. I actually just started it from scratch it. I didn’t I didn’t manage the money or anything. I was in college. I didn’t even have a degree. I didn’t even have the skills to do that. But I found it as a women’s sorority, Chapter national sorority at my college.

Hannah Mitrea 5:21
Okay, well, that’s still incredible. They kind of created that community there for women to have a place to go. So yes, to let in the divorce being four years, I worked with some divorce attorneys and I see that process, but to have four years and no kids, that is insane. I’m glad you wrote a book to kind of share with us. And so share with us a little bit about what are those steps that women need to take early in their life to make sure that they have their own financial like, well being set up, it’s not on somebody else,

Cary Carbonaro 5:53
right. So I just had this conversation with a friend of mine who works, who’s a reporter at CNBC, we actually had this conversation like two days ago. And what I said was, what’s really interesting is that most women, even today don’t believe that they’re responsible for their own financial future. And it’s really a problem because I want all women to be responsible 100% for their financial future, from the time they’re, you know, old enough to work. So for maybe 18, to to the time that they pass, you know, if they have a partner during that timeframe, that’s just gravy, but they’re responsible for their own financial future. And the reason that they don’t think that they are is because it’s society, its norms, its upbringing, it’s a million different reasons why, but I feel that that should be changing over time. It’s not really changing, but it’s maybe it’s changing a little bit over time. And if people like me can keep saying it over and over and over to a larger audience, and people start to raise their children differently. And it’s, so it’s such a big issue. And ironically, 90% of women are going to be responsible at one point, no matter what, either they’re going to be single, they’re still going to be responsible for their own financial future.

Hannah Mitrea 7:12
Now, when you’re saying that, like one thing I was going through my head was, you know, we’re living in this mindset of like, pre World War, essentially, where the woman takes care of the house man takes care of money. But since World War Two women work, right, but we never switch our

Cary Carbonaro 7:26
mindset, right? Not only do women work, women, women do everything, women take care of the house, women take care of the kids, women take care of the the parent, the aging parents, and women work. And in some cases, women make more money than the man. So I mean, we do it all I just want, I don’t understand why it’s interesting, because men will wake up one day and say, Oh, I guess I need to hire a financial planner, just out of the blue. Women don’t hire a financial planner, in my experience, until there’s some sort of a crisis. So I get pulled in when there’s a death, when there’s a divorce, disability, job loss, something that’s, you know, horrible that’s happening. And that’s when I get a call. So it’s always with our surrounding an emotional event. That’s not positive. Usually, maybe sometimes divorce is positive, but it’s still a life wrenching event, even if it’s positive, and really no deaths are positive, and you know, all of that stuff. So that’s when women call in an expert. And what I would really love is if women called in an expert, not during that stress, and when they can actually think straight, and you know, be less freaked out about the situation would make it easier for them. Yeah,

Hannah Mitrea 8:45
definitely. Because when you’re going through any kind of thing that’s essentially traumas in some way. And that stress, you’re not gonna be able to make the best decision you’re making just the decision that needs to be made sometime. So what are some things you mentioned? Like, you know, men will be like, wake up one morning, say, hey, I need to call a financial advisor. What are some of those triggers that before we get to the stage, that it’s so bad, that a woman should really be like, hey, I need a financial advisor.

Cary Carbonaro 9:10
So I feel like at any age, and I’ve worked with women in their 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s 70s, even 80s, but the 80s I’ve been working with for a while usually I don’t get a call from somebody in their 80s hiring me for the first time. I mean, unless they’re switching from another planner. So I guess what I always tell people is when you have more questions than answers around money, you should hire somebody. And also the other thing I say is, you know, unless you know you’re making all the right moves with money, you need help, and most people are not it’s very rare that I get somebody sitting across from me that is making all the right moves with money. And the ironic part is I am dealing with, you know people who have high paying jobs You know, savings, investing, whatever it is, I can figure out a way to do it better for you. Or there’s something that you’re not looking at either you’re overpaying in taxes, or there’s a million different things, you know, people can maximize their money decisions. And you know, personal finance, it’s all interrelated. So you could be doing something with insurance that’s hurting your investments or something with investments is hurting your taxes, and you don’t even know about it.

Hannah Mitrea 10:28
What are some common questions you get from women when they first come to you? Because I think, you know, just thinking myself, I grew up in a world where we didn’t talk about money. And so you don’t talk about money. You don’t always have questions about money, because you don’t even know what the money question. Most

Cary Carbonaro 10:44
of the time I get women who are, you know, if they’re coming in, in the crisis, they’re, you know, I’m just trying to get them out of the crisis. They’re not even asking me questions. I’m telling them the questions they should be asking, and the answers and I’m giving them the answers. They don’t even know what to ask. They don’t know what they don’t know. And that’s part of the problem, because we don’t have the education, the personal finance education in the United States. And women just don’t want to talk about it. Like I said, you know, men talk about their 401 Ks, they talk about the stocks that they’re picking, they talk about all their wins, they talk about you know, how to make money, how they’re making money in different side, hustles. Women don’t really talk about that that much. It’s just not something that comes up, you know, it’s still it’s definitely still taboo. I mean, I talk about it, because I do it for a living. And I’m, you know, people find it a little bit off putting, but I’m just used to talking about it. So I talk about it. And it’s definitely not what women talk about. I mean, women talk about plastic surgery and sentence and, you know, I always say sex, drugs and rock’n’roll, like we talk about anything under the sun, except that it’s all about money.

Hannah Mitrea 11:53
No, it’s true. We don’t talk about money. And I think in most careers you have, it’s also taboo to even tell somebody else, what you make versus what they make. And I know there’s been some stuff like studies kind of done on it recently, where talking about it will actually make us all better, because it’ll become more equal, more fair, and those different ways. So what are some of those things that you tell them? Like, Hey, these are the questions you need to ask, and this is your answer.

Cary Carbonaro 12:18
So I would say, you know, when somebody comes into me, the first thing I say is, we have to figure out two most important basic steps, right? One is what’s coming in, and what’s going out each month. And that is your budget. Except nobody likes that word budget, because they think it’s like a diet like a four letter word. So I say what we have to know what’s coming in what’s going out each month. So that’s like basic step one, then I say, we have to figure out your assets and your liabilities. And that is going to be your net worth, because your assets, what you own, minus your liabilities, what you owe, is equal to your net worth. And so those are the two building basic blocks, that I start with my clients, then we go into what’s your credit score, and why is that important? And then so that’s like, I would say, those are the three basic things, you know, are you overspending? Are you under spending? Are you maxing out your 401? K? Are you taking advantage of all your employer benefits? You know, can I look at your employer benefits? Let me see what’s in there. Let me look at your tax withholding. Let me look at your tax return. Let’s take a look at see what you’re doing there and what you could be doing better. Let’s look at what your current asset allocation is. And why does that matter? And what does that look like? And how much are you making? And what’s your risk tolerance? And what does that mean? And then of course, the answer is the or the next question is, you know, what do you want? When do you want to retire? Have you even ever thought about that? What does that mean? What does that look like? What do you want? Do you want to pay for your kids college? Do you want to go to school? Do you want to buy a second house? All of that stuff? What is this money doing for you? What do you want it to do for you? That’s really what the what the questions are? Yeah.

Hannah Mitrea 13:59
And I know you work with a lot of like high net worth individuals who have like that big income coming in. So what does that mean problem you see that they’re doing when managing their money without a financial advisor.

Cary Carbonaro 14:10
I think and this is probably true for women and men, but I’m gonna say it’s for the women that I work with. I think they’re so busy, just trying to get through the day. And they have so many priorities, so many people pulling on their time and energy. If they don’t make financial planning a priority, or saving or investing a priority, or balancing a budget of priority. It’s not getting done. Nobody’s doing it. It’s not something that you just do. Without thinking about it. You actually have to set it up. You have to have an accountability partner, you have to have an advocate, and then it will get done. And then they’re great at it once I can get them on it. It’s not a problem. It’s just we have to actually do all of those things. And we have to get on a plan we have to get on a path because we say how can you You get where you’re going. Without a plan. It’s like, it’s like trying to get to a destination without a roadmap, you can’t really get there. Because you have no idea how to get there, you have no idea where you’re going, yeah,

Hannah Mitrea 15:10
just think like, normal day to day things like you’re not going to make dinner, if you don’t have a plan for what’s for dinner, you’re going to be ordering something out. And it’s not a plan. And it’s same with your your money if you’re not planning that money. And so what is it like, look like working with a financial advisor? Because I think, you know, a lot of women who want are like, well, do I need a financial advisor was like, what differences that make to them? And the way so what does that look like? So Well, first of all, it

Cary Carbonaro 15:36
depends on like, back to my question, Do you need help with money? Are you making all the right moves with money? And do you know, what does your money mean to you, right? So again, I feel like an advisor is an advocate, and somebody who is going to be on your side who’s going to help you get to your goals, first of all, define what they are, and then figure out how to get there. So if you can do that on your own, then you don’t need help. But I would say 99.5, or 9% of people can’t. So there is a few that can do it. Because they’re this, they kind of love it, they probably should be financial planners, because they love it so much. So those people probably don’t need help everybody else does. No matter who you are, no matter what you make. It’s funny, because I feel like in my opinion, I feel like financial planning should be covered almost by like your employer or almost buy insurance or almost by the government, because it is what keeps, in my opinion, rich people rich and poor people poor, because they don’t have the planner, they don’t have the advocate, they don’t have the knowledge, they don’t have the personal finance literacy. And so if you have that, it would help the entire world. And he certainly would help the United

Hannah Mitrea 16:55
States now. And he’s had right there. Like when you don’t know it, it keeps the rich, richer, the poor poor. There’s a gap there that needs filled in, it comes down to the education. And I know there’s a piece of it that you’re doing is educating women on that money side of it. And it’s like, so many more people need to really learn about money. And just those questions to ask, so they know how to reach out.

Cary Carbonaro 17:20
Right? Yeah, it’s very interesting, because it’s just, it’s just not something that’s taught. I mean, although it’s funny, I’ve seen a couple of classes in high school in Florida, they’ve actually made it part of the curriculum, a financial literacy course, although we still have to teach the teachers. So that’s another story. And then because they’re uncomfortable with with it, and then we have to get people comfortable. And then the teachers themselves, which is another whole story, but the teachers also are uncomfortable with the math portion in some cases. And so then they also project that onto the females. The females are not good at math. So you know, money’s not for you. And so that’s another just another whole issue that happens, like even from elementary school on.

Hannah Mitrea 18:05
Yeah, that sounds crazy. My dad was a math teacher and my sister’s math teacher. So like math was always like, very promoted my house. So it’s, it’s super interesting to hear, like, you know, in society, they just say women aren’t good with numbers when I’m likely talking about my family’s good with numbers.

Cary Carbonaro 18:21
Right? Well, I think again, it’s it depends on your experience, and you know, your lens, and you know where you are. But back to the fact that there was only you said, 15% women financial planners, it’s actually a little bit better than that it’s actually 20 to 23% women, but out of that 23%, not all of them are practicing financial planners. Some of them are teachers, some of them are in support positions, some of them are not lead advisors. So the actual number of people like myself, who actually go out and get clients as a female financial planner, those numbers are a little bit lower. So but in general, the good news is we’re working on it. I mean, we’ve been working on it a very long time. We were at 20%. And I think we’re moved to 22 point something so it is moving in the right direction, obviously very slow, but the numbers are improving. That’s

Hannah Mitrea 19:20
awesome. What is something that like, a woman that’s listening to this podcast? should be asking their financial planner in that like, you know, who am I going to work with FES like what are the questions? Oh, okay, so

Cary Carbonaro 19:32
the first question is, are you a fiduciary? And what that means is that person is fee only. They’re not accepting commissions from the products they recommend to you. The interest and advice that they give you is in the best interest of the client, which is you as you know, as the client and they are not a broker. So, you know, somebody who’s acting as a broker is more Most likely not a fiduciary. Also, they should be a CFP Certified Financial Planner board certified. Right now in the United States, there’s 90,000 of us that which is really a good number. When I first started, there was 40,000. So we’ve more than doubled. By next year, we should be over 100,000 in the United States. So it’s just like working with a board certified attorney or board certified doctor, this is your money, why would you not want to work with somebody board certified? It doesn’t make any sense to me. But there are people out there who just don’t know what they don’t know.

Hannah Mitrea 20:30
Now, it’s crazy to think that the financial industry is so heavily regulated by the government, however, you couldn’t hire a lawyer that wasn’t board certified. So why is it even possible to hire a financial advisor that’s not already board certified? I feel like that is like a no brainer. But it goes back to Yeah, well, the

Cary Carbonaro 20:49
crazy thing is you can call yourself a financial planner, and not have any licenses. So I mean, technically to call yourself a financial planner, there’s not even anything that has to be really done. You don’t have to be anything, anybody can call themselves a financial planner. Now, but to be a certified financial planner, then you got a ton of stuff, because now you’re board certified. Now you have to have an undergraduate degree, you have to have the education, you have to have the ethics you have to have the exam. So all that.

Hannah Mitrea 21:18
So share with us how they can connect with you and who that ideal person and that should probably work with you, Carrie. So

Cary Carbonaro 21:23
I mainly work with women. Sometimes I also work with couples, usually the woman is the top earner in the house because that’s what usually what I attract, you can reach me at carycarbonaro.com. You can get me on Facebook, Instagram, I’m even on Tik Tok now, which I don’t love Twitter, which is now ex LinkedIn, Cary Carbonaro. I’m the only one in the world with that name. So I’m very easy to find. Awesome.

Hannah Mitrea 21:53
And we’ll make sure to put all that information in the show notes as well. Is there anything that you would want to tell women about money before we end this? So

Cary Carbonaro 22:01
the only thing I always say my most important thing is that you should be responsible for your own financial future, no matter what, like, you know, even if you have a rich father, you have a rich husband, you have a rich spouse, you have a rich, whatever, it doesn’t matter. I have seen everything. And it’s funny because I have this story over Thanksgiving. We just talked about Thanksgiving. My niece is boyfriend is going to college. And she said should I follow him to that college? And I said absolutely not. Under no circumstances should you follow him to that college, you’re gonna go to your own college, you’re gonna get your own degree, and you’re gonna figure it out yourself if you’re meant to be meant to be. Because I in my head played out a scenario that she goes there, she gets pregnant, she gets married, she doesn’t work, they get divorced 10 years later, or 20 years later, and now she has no money, no job, no income never worked and kids to take care of. And my family goes, Wow, that got really dark really fast. And I said, Well, that’s where it goes. That’s what I’ve seen. I’ve seen it over and over and over again. And I don’t want anybody to be in that position. So if you always have your own money, you always have your own career, you always have your own, stand on your own two feet and not have to worry that somebody else is going to take care of you, you will be able to take care of yourself your entire life.

Hannah Mitrea 23:24
Awesome. I think that’s really good advice. And thank you so much, Cary for joining me and sharing the information and anybody that is looking to reach out to Cary, we will have all of her stuff in the notes. So thank you so much. You’re welcome. Thank you for joining us. This week on the virtual US financial advisor podcast. Subscribe to the show on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or via RSS, so you’ll never miss an episode. We’d love rating on iTunes. Or better yet, tell a friend about the show which will help us grow as well. If you want to learn from any of our financial advisors, head over to our website virtual US financial advisor.com To learn more about each financial advisor and connect with them personally. Be sure to tune in next week to get more advice from the expert financial advisors. See you on the next episode.